It all comes down to this…I am the student. I want to feel it. I want to understand it, be it, give it and receive it. I’m here to learn, grow and stretch. I am here to experience big love. Yes, that’s it! I want big love.
Could this journey of big love lead to freedom? How about a more fulfilled and enriching life for us all? My life experiences have been my University. The people I’ve interacted with have been my teachers, my students and my course studies. I’ve done well with some sessions and failed miserably in others. I’m no where near a conclusion (not sure there is one). I am not the Love Guru.
The idea of big love seems lofty at best I know. What is big love anyway? For me it’s all encompassing, full of compassion, understanding, respect and honor. It pushes the boundaries. It fills the spaces all around the world. It dares me (and you) to be brave. It invites peace, joy and healing.
When I started this journey I did what was comfortable, romantic couples activities. For me that was easy but in my gut I knew there was something more, something deeper, more inclusive with a greater sense of purpose. Romantic love is definitely a part of this journey but there’s more. I need to go deeper.
Watch what you ask for, Charmaine.
On this journey I’ve had to confront my own beliefs, desires and understanding of love. It’s called me to stop hiding and be my authentic self, unapologetically might I add. My friend Shanda calls it strong work. Initially, I was trying to remain tight in the bud but it was too painful. Opening up feels better. It’s scary still, but this is what keeps me up at night and wakes me up in the morning. It’s easier to be comfortable and live on the surface…or is it? Each day I’m learning to be more courageous. Again, the desire to increase love in the world keeps me up at night; it’s in me. I feel it in my gut.
Gut checks are important. Even when others don’t understand me, I’ve learned to go with my gut. Have you ever felt your gut give you a warning yet you ignored it? I have and suffered greatly. It was the first day at my new job several years ago, when ‘my gut’ spoke very clearly to me. I was exiting the elevator with my new supervisor when my gut said, “This is not it.” It was so strong I wondered if he heard it. I wanted to talk back to my gut and ask, well, then why am I here? It seemed to be a good career move. There were some lessons I had to learn and some people who I needed to meet on my journey. I will never forget that moment walking off the elevator. I knew not to get comfortable but what did I do? I tried to get comfortable. What a miserable valuable lesson to learn.
No one grows from their comfort zone. If you want to change your life, if you want to make things happen, you have to leave your comfort zone. These words were spoken to me a week ago. I get it and I’m still scared. As the saying goes, feel the fear and do it anyway. I’m doing it slowly but surely still asking myself often, what are you doing? The answer is always trust the process.
I’m willing to keep studying big love. Hoping to contribute to the greater sense of humanity. I will take up my space in this world. I look forward to learning more as a student and teaching from a place of inspiration and empowerment. I’m excited about gathering these love threads and tying them together to create something warm and beautiful. I know there will be lots more teachable moments.
My next session has already started.
To big love.